⚠️Warning...⚠️...Warning...⚠️...Warning...⚠️
This post may be graphic and triggering, and will discuss health issues that may seem squeamish to some.
As some of you may know, I have been in and out of the hospital for the past few weeks. It all started one day with me going to the bathroom thinking I had to poop, only for it to end up being a toilet full of blood! I was stunned and scared. My mother rushed me to the emergency room and I was told I have diverticulitis. Now, I was aware of what diverticulitis is because I know people with it but I never knew it could cause such problems. The doctors checked me out and told me I needed to make adjustments to my diet. Ok. Cool. Got it!
Let's fast forward to about a month later. My stomach was KILLING me! So much so, I went back to the emergency room. They told me I was having a flare up and gave me the same set of instructions.
Let's fast forward a few weeks after that. I go to the bathroom and guess what...BLOOD! Here I go again, bopping down the street to the hospital. This time, they admitted me with the quickness. They're running all of these tests and spewing information to me at a rapid rate. This time, I was told it actually wasn't my diet causing it and that it's something that just happens. I was losing blood rapidly and had to get some procedures done and a blood transfusion. After a few days, they let me go home.
All is well, I'm back at work, and living my life (so I thought). Four days later, I'm at an event and my stomach did a thing. I immediately went home and guess who had made appearance...BLOOD! So, I go back to the hospital and the staff greets me because at this point, I'm a regular now.
More tests, more procedures, another transfusion! This time, the doctors admit that now, they are even confused. One doctor said "Ms. Curtis, you have the colon of an 80 year old man!" Well damn! Thanks! Now they are telling me that it's not my diet or anything I could have done differently. It just happens...and it happened to me. Now, I am faced with the possibility of having part or all of my colon removed. At 45 years old, I am facing the fact that I may have to wear a colostomy bag. I'm a damn food blogger! I don't want to wear a colostomy bag!
I'm so nervous and scared. Any time my stomach moves, grumbles, or flips, I automatically think "here I go again!" I'm trying so hard not to live in fear but this is scary.
Not to mention, I've been out of work this whole time, which means financially, I'm strapped. And while I GREATLY, and I do mean GREATLY appreciate people sending love, prayers, and support, and offering to help, I simply can't allow myself to ask for what I need. Because who is going to be willing to help me pay RENT? So, that weighs heavily on my mind as well. People ask me how I'm feeling. Of course, I say ok. But deep down inside, I'm not. I'm worried. My mental is taking a beating. But I got this!
I thank each and everyone who has taken the time out to pray for me, visit, text, and call. It means a lot.
Comments